Today was Greta's first full day at home alone with the Schmoo -- Sandy is back in CT again, and today was my first full day back at work.
Everyone says that taking care of a newborn is hard work, but I don't think we fully appreciated the kind of hard work that it would be: the exhaustion, the frustration, the worry, the self-doubt. While I've gotten a bit of this bitter cocktail of emotions, Greta is getting it full force: partly because of biology (Seamus spends about fifty percent of the day attached to her like a cute little leech), and partly because of economic necessity: Greta gets three months' worth of maternity leave (disability leave, actually), and I only got a week. Sadly, since we don't live in a yurt in the Catskills (the eminently practical Plan B for our lives that we've been keeping in reserve), we need to keep the money coming in, so I have to go to work. Add sleep deprivation and a post-partum hormone roller-coaster, and you've got one stressed mama.
Since we are dirty hippies at heart, I never thought we'd be doing this so traditionally: I kissed the wife and kid goodbye this morning, went off to work, and came home at the end of the day. As much as I enjoy fixing people's computers, I'd much rather be at home helping with Seamus. Ah, to live in a democratic-socialist state (ie, every other developed nation), where they provide humane maternity and paternity leave policies. (Take a good look at this chart -- it's shocking. We USAers are barbarians in this respect.)
However ... we just got a very nice call from Evelin, who gently advised us that, when things seem the toughest, we should remind ourselves how lucky we are. And it's true -- Seamus is beautiful and healthy ... and I remember for how long we tried to get pregnant. And while wind-driven ice pellets rain down outside, we are warm, dry, and incredibly spoiled, compared to 80% of the rest of the world. We just had spaghetti al vongole delivered to our door, for god's sake!
Also, we know this will get less stressful for Greta, as the hormones even out and we get to know Seamus better, and he (hopefully) develops more predictable sleeping habits. In the meantime, though, if you want to offer her some companionship and support while she's home alone these next few weeks, please email, IM, or call her during business hours ... I would be very grateful.
And a happy Valentine's Day to you all!
3 comments:
Poor Shawn used to come home after a long day at work and I would "greet" him at the door sobbing--clingy baby also howling. Why? Because the baby wouldn't nurse when I wanted/needed him to and my engorged breasts hurt, because I was SO tired, because my old life seemed LOST, a foreign land I barely remembered, because the house was a huge mess, because I hadn't showered or peed or cooked anything. To his credit, he did not flee screaming. So my advice to you, Greta, is to give yourself permission to do only what must be done and let other things go (order take out for dinner, yes yes...have a clean bathroom someday). And Jim, grab the baby the instant you walk in the door, give Greta a tender kiss, and take over if she needs you to. It is hard for everyone right now. I used to say, "dammit, the only one getting enough sleep around here is the baby!"
Hang in there...
oh and tell me which number to call Greta during the daytime hours.
Love
Auntie Teri
See? This is when living in a "village" works.
And may I say... I, too, want a Yurt!
We can build them far enough away, with underground tunnels <<<<
(Antonio's idea) for easy passage, to and fro, making getting there a fun adventure!
And, while this is the hardest time... until "wee" Seamus becomes a teen, having some gratitude, knowing you have choices... possibilities can brng hope and save the moment when one thinks... "I simply cannot do this one more moment".
Hang in there kids... the rewards will surpass your present efforts.
A coworker (Rich) shared this lyric with me this week. I pass it along to you to remember when Seamus gives you that first smile...
If you smile at me, I will understand
'Cause that is something everybody everywhere does in the same language.
~Wooden Ships Lyrics
:o) Kiss the bambino for me.
Yes - Aunti Terry you describe the existential expereince of a new mom perfectly. I vividly recall Tim leaving for work in the morning - I felt that 'so, what am I going to do with my day, how will I make it through all these hours until he returns' sensation stream through my body. Hard to describe the feeling, but it was strong and very chemical and 'binky' (my word for emotional to the max). I would greet Tim by the door in the same state as Aunti Terry. He too would understand that I had just spent a day that was more demanding and emoitonally up and down than one could imagine. I realized as the days went by that Dylan and I were finding our rhythm together - my days began to have a form to them - a flow that I could sort of count on. I began to know that I had a very important purpose and I was doing the hardest of work and the most meaningful of my life. This gave me meaning and a sense of accomplishment. These are the days in the wilderness for a woman - and in some way it is a rite of passage and we find another level of endurance and warrior spirit that serves us well in other areas and other episodes of our lives. Grets, you are in the trenches right now - true basic training time. Hang in, follow the rule of doing only what is absolutely necessary and trust that you will find a groove. Music helped me - watching Brazelton's show daily - putting on cozy, colorful lounging clohtes as my 'work attire' and lounging with Dylan as much as I could. i kept a drawing/writing journal where I would just scribble out what I could in the brief moments I had. It kept me sane - helped me track my journey. Just advice - you will find your way and offer your advice to women who birth after you. By the way, with Iam, I did live the 'dirty hippie' life and Ross was home with us for the first year. I vote for the yurt as soon as you can build it. Love beyond love, Bizzer
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